i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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