im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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