then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
