This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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