i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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