I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
operation harelip BJ is a go
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
