dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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