you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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