another moral hangover. fuck.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
