Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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