his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
