Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
