why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
