If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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