i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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