Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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