so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
