you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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