I'm sorry my penis didn't work
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
