i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
