I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize