So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
ttyl tear gas
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
