I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize