I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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