you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
This is my gift to your gina
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
