I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
