I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
