when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
