So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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