the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
