Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
