Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
