after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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