Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I should be sponsored by Trojan
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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