Screwed.edu
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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