ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
