You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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