I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
