Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
