so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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