Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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