she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
