I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
