Your dad touched me again.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize