I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
