hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize