I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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