you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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