I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
how does that bad decision feel?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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