I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
he laminated a picture of his dick.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
