Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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