She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize