I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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