I just made out with a guy for $7.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
