She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
