Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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