hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You pole danced in your parka.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
