Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
