Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I would ride that face into the sunset
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
