Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
