I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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