He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
