i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
