I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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