what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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