If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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