do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize